When I ask money for Donation - Annadhanam!!

 Ask - When we Ask for Annadhanam donation? what happens?

what happens in my mind? will they give? what do they think about me if I ask? if they say no, does it hurt me? if they give beyond what I expect, does it makes me happy? 

Why these questions are coming to me at first place? why my ask is not irrelevant of the outcome? why am I bothered about the outcome than the intention?

maybe the reason for all these questions are due to judgmental? someone judge me that am like this and I don't want that to happen. if I want someone to be non-judgmental about me then isn't that itself judgmental? if so, why am I still longing about these questions inside me?

As Bhagawad Gita says, Is this called maya(meaning maayai)? Beyond all this, after long time, I have nourished my ego by saying to me that - "No, I can still ask without being judgmental"

EGO:

how can i go and ask someone for money? what happens to my ego? It's easy to give money when someone asks but its not so easy to go and ask money from someone. I have an ego and If i go and ask for money, they should give it, if not, what happens, even after asking they are saying no to me. 

If I don't ask - I nourish my ego

If I ask by thinking that I should leave my ego aside and ask for money, if I do that, which means I have broke my ego and went further and asked for it and again entering into new form of ego :) 

The form of ego has transformed from not asking to asking! It's a beautiful experience and dynamics of thoughts.

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